?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Empty Places (fic)

Title: Empty Places
Author: paleogymnast
Genre: Gen, Angst, Future!fic
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Dean Winchester, Bobby Singer, OFC; mentions of various others
Spoilers: Up through 5.2, “Good God, Y’all!” (speculation after that)
Word Count: 2895
Disclaimer: Anything recognizable belongs to Kripke, Warner Bros., the CW, et al. or its original owners. No copyright infringement intended. Written for fun, not profit. Don’t own; don’t sue.
A/N: It’s all speculation, folks; I sure as hell hope this doesn’t happen. Unbeta’d and written in a hurry, so the mistakes are all mine (see anything glaring, please let me know so I can fix it)? Will be cross-posted. Comments are love!

Summary: You know it’s a long shot; he’s an enigma wrapped in mystery drenched in secrets, and his complete lack of friends is part of what piqued your interest in the first place. He’s a challenge, and you want to try. You will solve the mystery that is Dean…

Empty Places

You meet him for the first time when your car finally gives up and breaks down. You think it’s probably hopeless—after all, the car does date back to before everything changed—but he tells you he thinks he can find a part that will work, and three days later you’ve got a new fuel pump in your twenty-plus year old clunker.

After that, you realize you’ve seen him before, around town—at the grocery store, the post office, the bank—all the places it’s hard not to go. You’re in middle-of-nowhere South Dakota, population five hundred, after all, so it’s not the kind of place to go it alone. You’ve gotta trade and deal and network to get what you need. Especially if you’re running a business, which he is. Singer Auto Salvage may not look like much, but everyone goes there for parts and things and fixing and all the stuff that’s hard to do yourself. It’s a small world these days, and it’s hard to make it period, harder if you’re a loner. You think maybe that’s what he is. After all, he never really makes eye contact. Never speaks more than he has to. You never see him with anyone else or chatting like he has a friend. Just goes about his business like a ghost among men.

And you wonder what made him like that—all standoffish and alone, distant look in his eyes, walls sealed up tight not letting anyone in. Maybe he’s always been that way. Momma’s always saying some people just need to be off by themselves; they’re happiest that way.

You think maybe he lost someone. Probably a long, long time ago. He moves quietly taking up too much space, like he expects someone else to be there who never is. You notice him look over his shoulder sometimes as if he’s searching for something or someone who isn’t there. On the rare occasions you’ve exchanged words, his sentences seemed… empty, trailing off as if he thought you’d know what he was going to say or expected someone else to finish them (or maybe like he thought there was no reason to finish). You’ve asked around, and no one’s ever known him to have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, but a couple of the really old folks say they remember when he was a kid (and by kid, they probably mean someone not much younger than you, in his twenties, maybe), say that he was quite the ladies’ man and used to be happy, a force of nature even. It almost makes you laugh, ‘cause Dean Singer may be many things, but happy isn’t one you’d think of to describe him. Then again, you don’t really know him, but maybe no one does. He seems to exist, alone, always waiting for something, but you’re not sure what.

He intrigues you. Well, that much is obvious. But it’s not like Cathy or your Momma or old Mrs. Paulson thinks. Sure, he’s handsome. Rugged around the edges; plenty of scars to add character; but still almost pretty underneath. Kind of reminds you of Harrison Ford a little. Not now, gods no, he’s pushing ninety! But from the old movies from the good old days, before things changed, when Ford was around the age Dean is now. You think he’s maybe fifty? It’s hard to tell. He’s got grey in his hair, but he’s trim and fit, and he seems to have aged well, but his eyes… His eyes look old, ancient. Well past one hundred, like they’ve seen more than person ever should and too much for one man to understand.

Still, you get why Cathy’s got the wrong idea. It’s not an unthinkable age-gap between his fifty-something and your thirty-three, but he’s too much mystery, and he seems to wear his pain like a blanket. Attractive just won’t cut it with a man that haunted by his ghosts and demons.

You want to know him as a friend, a person, an individual. You know it’s a long shot; he’s an enigma wrapped in mystery drenched in secrets, and his complete lack of friends is part of what piqued your interest in the first place. He’s a challenge, and you want to try. You will solve the mystery that is Dean Singer.

Besides there’s not much else to do in this godforsaken town in this godforsaken world at this godforsaken time. You kind remember from when you are a kid when the world worked. Before the “apocalypse,” before the end times. You found an old TV series once about a special girl with more-than-human abilities who tried to save people in a “post-apocalyptic” world. It makes you laugh when you think about how good they had it compared to reality, but you think it’s fitting that on the show, hell came to their world in 2009, just like it did for real. Plus, there’s this one character that you think looks a bit like what Dean might have looked like when he was young. But you know you’re probably just projecting your fascination.

Anyway, hell came to earth and left behind a mess and now it’s just people muddling through, doing the best that they can. So you go to work finding out everything there is to know about him.

Which isn’t much. Dean Singer runs Singer Auto Salvage. Place is kinda weird. No one know where he gets all his parts to keep things running long after they shoulda stopped; he’s supposed to be some kind of mechanical genius. You know his uncle owned the place before him, and his uncle’s still around, he’s this whip-smart, seventy-something guy in a wheelchair who rolls into the library where you work sometimes always with friendly greeting, but he’s got sad, sad eyes. Not as sad as Dean’s, though. He lives with Dean, and Dean’s his caretaker, and that’s the sum total of everything you can find out.

You get up the courage to head out there one Thursday evening. It’s late, but not too late, and you catch him after he’s closed up shop.

You introduce yourself and thank him again. You call him “Mr. Singer,” and he gets this funny look on his face, like the name doesn’t fit quite right. He asks you to call him Dean, ‘cause Mr. Singer is his Uncle’s name. He asks how the car is, but doesn’t seem to know what to say beyond that.

His uncle invites you in for supper, and suddenly there you are eating bean stew with Dean Singer and his uncle Bobby. You’d expect him to be warmer, softer, maybe with family, but he’s still just as stiff and lost and shut-up as ever.

You stay for a friendly game of poker and turn to leave. As your coat’s in your hand and you’re at the door, Dean asks you if you’ve ever gone shooting. His voice sounds smaller than usual, a little scared and almost hopeful, and you don’t know what to say. He explains—bow and arrow, target practice, he needs to stay ready, and he wouldn’t mind having someone to practice with. He doesn’t say what he needs to be ready for.

You say “yes,” even though you’ve never shot a bow and arrow in your life, because this? This feels huge, monumental, and judging by Dean’s relieved sigh and the look of gratitude his uncle shoots you, you’re thinking maybe you’re onto something.

You start practicing on weekends. He teaches you everything you need to know about aiming and shooting and maintaining your bow. You get the sense he’s done it all before—he seems to slip into another skin when he’s teaching you. His eyes seem more alive and he talks more, looks around less. Like maybe you’re filling up the empty place in his life—in his soul—where someone used to be. Just a little, though; you’ve seen enough to know whatever’s missing it’s left a wound as deep as the Grand Canyon.

When the lesson’s done, he’s back to the Dean you’ve seen. Stiff body. Wooden face. Tight lips. Clipped sentences that sound like he’s choking to speak them. Reminds you of a character in another old movie you saw once, think his name was Ennis something or other? Anyway, Dean’s got the mannerisms of a man who’s lost the only thing that mattered to him. No purpose. No meaning. Just going through the motions of life, not really sure why he’s still here or what he’s supposed to do with the time left.

He gives you more lessons. You learn about shot guns. You shoot cans off a fence with him. He teaches you how to rebuild a carburetor, how to play poker and gin rummy, how to make lasagna, and he even teaches you a little about Latin.

You teach him how to pay chess. He’s shockingly good at the strategy, but you get the sense from the brittle look in his eyes that it reminds him too much of something else. Maybe war? You’re not sure; no one knows, and it would be impossible to find out, but you think maybe that knack for strategy plus all the weapons stuff means he was some kind of soldier once, and for a little while you think maybe that’s why he seems empty and hollow.

But then he looks at you, and for a split second, it’s like he’s seeing someone else. The person who’s supposed to be there. Long lost and gone forever. The ghost by his side. The demon haunting his eyes. He smiles—his eyes light up, and it’s like all the walls drop, and you can see him like he used to be, like he would be now without the empty places inside—alive and vibrant, commanding, charming, flirtatious, courageous, intelligent, sarcastic, kind—and it hurts so much to see his torn up soul with its missing half. But then he realizes, catches himself; and it all closes in an instant, doors slamming shut. He knows who you are again, and he knows he’s never going to find that missing piece.

It makes you happy and sad and for three days you don’t know what to do. You keep your distance because you’re afraid you’ve hurt him. You only go back when his uncle calls, and tells you off for being foolish. You return, and it’s back the way it was before. He teaches you how to bleed a brake line, and you’re not sure if he resents you for not being who he wants. But you don’t dare bring it up.

He talks more now. So, you talk to him about your life. He seems genuinely interested, and offers an opinion here, a sprinkling of advice there, about things that matter in your life. He tells you things too. His mom died when he was a little kid. His Dad raised him, but wasn’t really around much. Died a long, long time ago too. You get the sense he really loved and admired his father, but somewhere along the line his dad let him down, and it broke his heart. But that’s not the ghost that you see, and you’re not sure what to make of it.

You learn he moved around a lot as a kid. Got a GED, and never went to college—which, apparently back when he was growing up was something almost everyone was expected to do. You laugh, because today, everyone’s lucky if they’ve got a teacher and a school and some way to learn the shit they gotta know to get through life. You’re lucky, had tutors, learned about books literature and that’s how you wound up at the library. You tell him, and he laughs, a real, happy smile, but still with the haunted, old eyes. It’s not the same image of youth and exuberance you saw that one time for a split second.

It happens on another Thursday. You’re worried about settling down and fitting in. Your momma wants grandbabies, and you’re just not ready. You’re not sure if you want the white, picket fence, apple pie life. You tell Dean this.

He looks wistful, honesty wistful, and you get the sense you remind him of something or someone. It only lasts a second, and then he’s giving you advice about finding yourself and doing what makes you happy, and not worrying too much about fitting in, ‘cause you only got the one life and you gotta make the most of it.

You thank him, and on a whim, you tell him he “would have made a great big brother.”

The words have barely tumbled out of your mouth, and it’s like time stopped. There’s that light in his eyes for a moment and then an old sadness that looks like failure, regret defeat. His ghost is beside him now, taking up all the empty places, twining its way into his soul.

“I had a little brother once,” he says. “Half-brother, anyway; his name was Adam. He lived with his mom, so I didn’t really know him well, but he was an awesome kid, and our dad loved him. He was gonna be a doctor…” His voice tails off, and he’s looking over his shoulder again for the Someone who will never be there. “He died when he was nineteen, murdered,” he says. And that’s that.

You don’t know what to say, a stuttered “I’m sorry,” makes it past your lips, but you know that’s trite nonsense. You think maybe this is it! This is the ghost he carries around, the missing piece, or part of it. Maybe guilt over the loss is his biggest demon. It’s huge and you want to scream and shout, because Dean Singer has just finally let you in! He’s told you a real secret, and you feel special. You smile and squeeze his hand and say “thank you,” and that seems to make it ok. His face looses that frozen look it’s had ever since he told you.

You’re almost bouncing with the lifted weight of the revelation when he invites you back to dinner. He’s still subdued and quiet, but he seems happier, more at ease in his own skin. You can’t believe it. You never thought it would work, but somehow it seems like you’re actually getting to know Dean, maybe you’re even someone he would consider a friend. The shift in mood is noticeable, so noticeable in fact, his uncle Bobby’s sending you worried looks all evening.

Bobby pulls you aside after dinner, when Dean’s cleaning the dishes. You want to give Dean a hug before you go. Think maybe now that he’s spilled his guts, he’ll let you. Bobby asks you what happened, and you say Dean told you about his brother.

Bobby looks like someone’s walked over his grave. His eyes go wide and his jaw drops and his face is chalk-white. “His brother?” he mouths. “He hasn’t talked about his brother or mentioned his name in almost twenty years!” He’s in awe.

“Yeah,” you say, and you tell Bobby what Dean told you about the murdered brother who was going to be a doctor who lived with his mother but was really cool and loved by Dean’s father.

His expression shutters. You’re not sure what’s going on. This is good right? Bobby said Dean hadn’t mentioned his brother in twenty years!

“He told you about Adam,” Bobby says, and you can feel the sadness, the—disappointment—emanating from him like an aura. You don’t understand, and you say so.

He says Adam’s easy; sure Dean doesn’t mention him much, but that’s not what Bobby was talking about.

That makes no sense, having a brother murdered is a horrible thing and a really big deal, you say. So, how could that be easy?

“It is for Dean,” Bobby says, and you don’t know what to make of that.

You’re confused. “Did Dean have another brother?” you ask, really not understanding how your happy, victorious evening of finally maybe understanding Dean was now so lost and twisted and confused.

Bobby looks flustered. The old man blushes, as he rocks his wheelchair back and forth. “Kind of, sort of, it’s complicated,” he tells you. And it’s not his place to say, ‘cause that’s Dean’s secret and his cross to bear, and he’ll tell someone about it when he’s good and ready. Bobby confides in you that if he could kick, he’d kick Dean in the ass for not talking about it.

So you’re lost. Dean had a brother—two brothers maybe—and now you feel like you know less about him than you did this morning. You think maybe the second, unnamed brother is his ghost, the missing part of him that he keeps looking for…

But you also know that you’re probably not ever going to know more, not the why or the who or the details—not all the good things that brought that smile to Dean’s eyes and made him alive. It saddens you, but you still give Dean a hug and thank him again. You’ll still be his friend.

You just realize you’re probably never going to really know him, and for the first time, you think maybe that’s because Dean doesn’t really know himself. He’s lost in the empty places and might never find his way out.

 

Comments

( 42 comments — Leave a comment )
adrenalineshots
Sep. 18th, 2009 02:51 pm (UTC)
You know... on one hand, I really, really want to know all the rest (what happened to the brothers, why is Dean not fighting, what happened to Sam after he left Dean, if Dean's ever gonna talk about him) and wishing that there was a part 2 to this.
But on the other... I'm a sucker for good tales that leave you with a twist inside, that push you and keep you always on the verge of something, teasing you but never pushing you over.
In any case, I loved this! Wonderful job!
paleogymnast
Sep. 18th, 2009 02:56 pm (UTC)
Thank you for reading and for your thoughts. I think I feel pretty much the same way. Part of me wants to tell what happened, to hash it out and put it on paper, but the rest of me is attracted to the ominous, looming feeling I get when you never quite get the big secret.

And I think here, even if I were to tell it (or have Dean tell it, or Bobby tell it), it would never really do the story justice, because the thing about secrets is you can never really know them, not in terms of what they mean to the person who keeps them, how they affect the individual, what the context is, how they feel. And with Dean, it's really he loss, the absence of Sam that I wanted to higlight, so that's how this fic came out.

Thanks again for reading, and for your lovely compliment!! :)
(Anonymous)
Sep. 18th, 2009 04:17 pm (UTC)
OK. this kitty gives up. I haz tried to leave a comment three times. I am just going to post this was really, really, really good and going to come back and leave a better comment, when everyone is not harassing me and the human!
paleogymnast
Sep. 18th, 2009 07:46 pm (UTC)
Hey!, Glad you liked it. Sorry LJ is being so bad to you and your human!! :(

But thank you for reading! And I'm really happy you liked it!! :D
(Deleted comment)
paleogymnast
Sep. 18th, 2009 09:02 pm (UTC)
Yay!! You got to comment properly! :)

I am really glad that you felt like Sam's absence was a third character... that was exactly what I was going for, and I am so glad that I pulled it off. Thank you! I'm not sure how I managed it, but I did.


I'm also so happy you like those lines!! Those are some of my favorites; I was worried they sounded to trite, or over-used, but those tied to some of the emotions and images that first came to me when I thought of this.

As for Adam, well, I think that's exactly how Dean feels now. Adam is something that hurts. He regrets that he never got to know Adam and that he couldn't save him. But it's not the same pain as Sam. Dean feels like Sam is his personal failure and the space he left behind is so huge... well, that's where this fic comes in.
dreamers_dh
Sep. 18th, 2009 05:13 pm (UTC)
*sobs*

That was beautiful.
I'm in love with stories like these. When there is this sad and hurt undertone and you can read the hope in it. When there was something happen, something bad and horrible. And this story fits everything!

I love even the end which is sad but very good and I'm hesitate to hope for another part? Maybe a part in which Sam shows up?
I don't know. The story is perfect and on the same time... I would love to read that Sam is coming back even after years and years.

Very good written!
paleogymnast
Sep. 18th, 2009 08:04 pm (UTC)
Hmm... Sam; sadly I'm pretty sure Sam is long dead and gone in this future, so having him show up wouldn't really fit with where I saw this going/taking place.

I've toyed with telling this or more of it from Bobby or Dean's point of view, but I think I managed to say most of what I wanted to say, so there probably won't be another part, sorry. :(

But thank you so much for reading and commenting! I am glad you enjoyed it!
(Anonymous)
Sep. 18th, 2009 06:17 pm (UTC)
I think this is one of the best Dean stories I have read for a while.

I don't think you need to add anything else - it shows how big the hole really is. I don't think Deam & Sam will be ever repaired, even though hope remains.

Congratulations on writing something that feels so true.
paleogymnast
Sep. 18th, 2009 08:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I am really glad to hear that you feel it's complete as is.

I'm worried about Sam and Dean, there's part of me that is still holding out hope that they'll work things out (whether or not the writers will be able to pull that off believably remains to be seen)... the rest of me is thinking along the lines of this fic.
garnet_words
Sep. 18th, 2009 06:22 pm (UTC)
Beautifully done... and so, so sad. Poor Dean, can't even mention Sam's name. And Bobby... *hugs them both* And I really like the character you created here.

(Also, love the DA reference! I remember watching that and thinking 2009 was so far in the future... kind of a jolt to read that here and realize 2009 is almost over =P)
paleogymnast
Sep. 18th, 2009 09:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you for reading and thank you for the lovely comment!

I'm glad you liked the DA reference too! I had the same feeling watching DA... when it came out 2009 was pretty far in the future. It's just that a lot of time has passed since then!!

Thanks again for reading and enjoying! I love playing with Dean's character--it makes me happy, so I'm thrilled when other people enjoy what I've done. :)
lizard971
Sep. 18th, 2009 06:45 pm (UTC)
Wow... you got that one out fast. You amaze me.
It's was beautiful. Sad & misterious with that touch of angsty hurty feeling that I love so much.
Another great piece from you.
Hug.
paleogymnast
Sep. 18th, 2009 09:49 pm (UTC)
Thanks lizz! I worked hard, really pushed myself to get this out right away; I was so worried if I stepped away from it I'd lose the mood, so I powered through and wrote it in one sitting, and I'm really glad you're pleased with the result.

Thank you for saying it's great! *hugs* *sniff*
lovetheguys
Sep. 18th, 2009 07:49 pm (UTC)
This hits me with a visceral sensation of doom. I want to know what happened to Sam, but I know it wasn't good, especially if Dean hasn't spoken of it in 20 years. It's turned him and Bobby into virtual recluses in the post-Apocalyptic world, and that isn't good.

Do I want to know more?

I don't know.

Love, Robin
Editor, SUPERNATURAL synopses
Moogi.com
5.2 up now for your reading pleasure!
Check it out, it's a great site!
paleogymnast
Sep. 18th, 2009 09:53 pm (UTC)
Wow, thank you for the description! That's exactly the mood I was going for. I hope being conflicted over whether or not you want to know more is a good thing for you?

I feel like right now, Sam and Dean and Bobby are all heading into nowhere and nothing good so it's intriguing to me to hypothesize where that might lead, and this fic is the result.

Thanksso much for reading and commenting!! :)
engel82
Sep. 18th, 2009 10:14 pm (UTC)
There was so many things I loved in this I'm probably gonna miss a couple. I'm a sucker for everything angst you write and you know it, so I won't tell you just how breaking this was to see Dean so empty, so lost. It kind of reminds me of "Forget Everything You Know About Dean Winchester", in the sense where you really get how important Sam is to him and how incredibly messed up he would be if Kripke doesn't fix them (You hear that Kripke! Fix them!)

I'm still so used to see Bobby as this stronger than everything man that I have a hard time getting around the fact that he's in a wheelchair. Lizz would kill me if she reads this but I don't think there's any way they could fix Bobby's leg without it being too convenient, so I really like that you kept him in his wheelchair.

And I love every little aspect of life as we know it that doesn't exist in the post apocalypse world. Small things like College being normal before while they can barely get an education now; and I loved the reference to Dark Angel and I love that you said they had it easy in DA because it gives an overall sense of what it is like postapocalypse.

I'm really intrigued though; I've seen that for you Sam is dead in this universe at that moment; but what do you think happened? Did Sam and Dean got back together after yesterday's episode or did they never talk again?

Again, you've brilliantly went into Dean's mind! That was a fantastic read, totally worth postponing the writing of my new cover letter =P
paleogymnast
Sep. 18th, 2009 10:44 pm (UTC)
First of all, *hugs* and thank you for reading (and commenting here :D )

I was thinking alot of "Forget Everything You Know About Dean Winchester" when I wrote this; it definitly comes out of a similar mindset, and like that fic, this was written in one sitting, similar perspective, tense, voice, etc. Of course Dean's a very different person now than when he first lost Sam and Sam's a very different person, so In a lot of ways I feel like for all their similarities, the two charater studies really couldn't be more different.

I'm also coming from a slightly different place. Sam's death in Season 2 was painful, I ached for Dean, seeing him go through that; didn't want it to be the way it turned out and really couldn't see it ending that way, but had to say it anyway.

Now... well, now Dean's more or less given up, at least he's been through so much and gave and fought and felt his all and he just can't care anymore, doesn't have the capacity. So he's numbed, and I'm numbed, and alas, I think this kind of ending is a lot more plausible. It's sad, heartbreaking, even. But whereas Dean in "Forget Everything You Know..." was greiving, holding on to his pain and wrapped up in it, I think this Dean would be ok with letting go of his pain, only it's all he has left. It's all that's left of him. He's stuck alive and he doesn't really know what to do, so he forges on.

I think Bobby is still strong. He's just more subdued and broken. He got lucky for a very long time (ok, so losing your wife because you killed her when she was possessed by a demon isn't lucky but compared to Sam and Dean?) but his luck finally ran out. I think his injury forces Dean to have a more adult relationship with Bobby. Whereas before Dean depended on Bobby as a child depends on a parent--always going to him for advice, always getting help, looking to Bobby to fix things and take care of them--now Dean is forced to grow up in that relationhip. There has to be a give and take. Bobby has to accept help from Dean, and Dean can't rely on Bobby for everything, but yet, Dean still sees and relates to Bobby as a parent--it's what every child eventually discovers growing up--that our parents aren't infallible, that they're mortal and human and vulnerable, and sometimes they don't have all the answers and they can't fix everyting. That's something Dean never had or learned with John, because their relationship hasn't been that of father and son since Dean was 4.

Since Bobby likely severed or damaged his spinal chord when he stabbed himself, this isn't lkely the kind of thing they're going to be able to fix, and I'm really glad to see Supernatural actually dealing with a disability and injury instead of just magicing it away. Brava!

I'm really glad you like the post-apocalyptic world. I worry I was being a little too vague, but that's kind of because it's hard to really conceptualize and articulate the specifics of a situation like that. Glad you enjoyed the DA reference and the comparison. I'm really glad I worked that in... I almost wasn't going to, and now I'm really happy I did because lots of people seem to like it!





Edited at 2009-09-18 10:51 pm (UTC)
lizard971
Sep. 19th, 2009 12:57 am (UTC)
Haha. I'm nt going to kill you for thinking Bobby shouldn't be healed.
It was either you heal him fast and thank you for doing it or indeed don't do it at all. You know how much I hate it when they come up with some... no they don't even come up with anything, the characters just get better after a snap of fingers or while your head is turned the other way.
I still hate that they did that to him, but now I'm hoping that it will play a part in the bigger scheme. No one will be comfortable with Bobby like that and they'll all try to find a way to make it better (all being Bobby, Dean & Sam) and at some point I hope it will make the scale shift in one direction instead of the other. Plus it's one more thing Dean can feel responsible for, so it's all love to me. :D

I still don't like Jim playing in that wheelchair!! Because that hurts me!! It does! Yup it upsets me!! Dammit. It's him I'm angry with, not you Engel.

Also Paley, I agree with all she said, I just kept it short. It was too early for my brain to go all meta again after last night. :D
She talks for me. ^^
paleogymnast
Sep. 19th, 2009 01:08 am (UTC)
Aw Lizzie, I figurd you wouldn't kill me for thinking Bobby shouldn't be healed. Supernatural gets a lot of flack for not actually reflecting diversity much, and having a disabled hunter (who still kicks ass, even if it's in a wheelchair) would be a super-big step. As for their usual magic healing, WTF happened with Zachariah breaking Sam's leg last week? I am so confused. Was that "pretend"; obviously Dean's symptoms went away as soon as Zachariah stopped, but did he just fix Sam's leg as well? Or did Cas heal Sam before he got cut off. Geez, it is SO annoying that they just dish out the crap and don't deal with the consequences. I think this could be a really good opportunity to explore some interesting sides of Bobby... if they pay it right.

So, are you mad at Jim for his character being in the wheelchair, or the writers for putting him there? Seems like it's not really Jim's fault either!!

Aw, thank you. I know you and Engel share a brain up there in VC, so I completely understand when you're talking for each other. Your comment was much appreciated and loved even if it was short!! :D (It's the thought that counts!! :D) So glad you liked this!! :)
lizard971
Sep. 19th, 2009 01:17 am (UTC)
HAHA No I'm mad at Jim because when we talked to him on set the other day, he was still in the wheelchair. And he had fun rolling around and THAT disturbed me. Because as much as I'm OK with Bobby being in a wheelchair I AM NOT OK with Jim being in one. And since it's kind of my line of work it upsets me even more. I do not want to see Jim in a wheelchair, not now, not for fun, not ever!!!
I told him... Hell I think I begged him to get out of it but he just wouldn't. Instead he took me for a ride!!! NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! That's not what I wanted!!! Argh!!!

About Sam being healed... It's Castiel that asked/ordered Zach to heal them before leaving (and there I was screaming " AND BOBBY!!!!!!") so Zach did. Whether it's a broken leg or some screwed liver/stomach, I guess it's the same process. It just heals. Miracle. But that I can live with because it was Zach who did it against his will and after all it's him who broke them so it was just fair that they got healed as fast.
paleogymnast
Sep. 19th, 2009 01:27 am (UTC)
LOL!! I knew you guys talked to Jim the other day, but geez, you got a ride on Bobby's wheelchair!! Whee!! I am jealous!! :D Just remember it's the character, and he probably like it because he likes the character and is an actor and it's important to be able to put yourself in your character's shoes (plus it probably *is* fun to play around in on set).

See, I need to go back and watch the end of 5.1 again. I was so annoyed with Zach that I wasn't paying attention. I just wish they'd addressed it. 'Cause OW fixing that has got to hurt. And yeah, Zach's a total douche so they deserved fast healing. In that instance. :D
lizard971
Sep. 19th, 2009 01:34 am (UTC)
LOL... Yup I got a ride. There's even a video of it that will NEVER be released online oh no!! LOL.
And yeah it must be sort of fun and he's practising but still, I know how not fun it is for real so that's why I'm all worked up about it.
See I like my fictional characters hurt because that's what they are fictional and I usually like to see them get fixed, mostly, most of the times. But you'd better not touch my friends!!

And yup, watch the end again. LOL. And I don't think it must hurt more than the breaking it part... since Sam was pretty much still writhing on the floor during the whole scene I'm thinking the pain just stopped when he got fixed... and same for Dean.
paleogymnast
Sep. 19th, 2009 08:18 am (UTC)
I don't know about that with healing Sam... if it hurt that much to break, it probably hurt a lot to go back into place, unless angels can just like *voila* presto chang magic bones back into place without pain... hmm... maybe they can. That would certainly make angel healing appealing...

See, I was focused on Sam's lack of lungs when I watched the end of that and totally forgot about his leg until I was watching 5.2... silly me. :D

Thanks again for reading and commenting!! :)
paleogymnast
Sep. 18th, 2009 10:45 pm (UTC)
As for what I think happened? Well? I'm not 100% sure if Sam and Dean ever saw each other again. I think yes. But I think Sam went out and got seduced and manipulated by Lucifer, and Dean tried and tried to fix it, to stop it, but in the end, he just couldn't; whether because Sam didn't want to be saved or because Dean couldn't save him, I don't know... I don't think Dean knows that. But either way, Sam wound up a casualty in the War and Dean's never really been able to forgive himself for that or really come to terms about anything concerning Sam. I mean, how would you? Sam was his brother, child, soul mate, best friend, and so much more, and Dean sacrificed his life, his soul for Sam, and for what ever reason, no matter what he did, he lost Sam and Sam betrayed him. Sure, the world got fucked up, but that personal loss of Dean's is just more than all that. Eventually Dean (with or without Cas or god's help) finally stopped the apocalypse, but the damage was done. So now earth is post-apocalyptic, and Dean and Bobby are still alive, but broken, and there's really nothing left to do but keep on living. Does that satisfy your curiosity?

I'm so glad you liked it, and I think it's interesting that you feel like I've really gone into Dean's mind when the story wasn't even told from his POV. Guess I must be doing something right!!

Now shoo, go write your cover letter!! :D


Edited at 2009-09-18 10:53 pm (UTC)
calijirl5150
Sep. 19th, 2009 04:39 am (UTC)
This was beautiful, but you made me cry :(
paleogymnast
Sep. 19th, 2009 08:15 am (UTC)
I'm sorry; glad you enjoyed it, but sorry you cried.

Thanks for reading and commenting!! :D
orehime
Sep. 19th, 2009 05:07 am (UTC)
Loved this! *mems*
paleogymnast
Sep. 19th, 2009 08:16 am (UTC)
Oh thank you!! Wow someone memed a fic I wrote! *is flattered*

Thank you for reading and commenting. I'm very glad you enjoyed it!! :)
pinkphoenix1985
Sep. 19th, 2009 08:54 am (UTC)
oh wow! this is so heartbreaking and Sam is just there in the background...

It makes me wonder if Dean witnessed Sam dying or even had to kill him himself

this is amazing!
paleogymnast
Sep. 19th, 2009 09:40 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for reading. I am thrilled that you enjoyed it. Heartbreaking was what I was going for, so I am glad that it sounds like I pulled that off.

In my mind, I'm not 100% sure if Dean killed Sam (or had to allow him to be killed), but Dean definitely saw it, and tried to save Sam (to turn him away from Luicfer's influence), but couldn't (or Sam didn't want to be saved). *sniff*

Thank you again!! :)
pinkphoenix1985
Sep. 19th, 2009 07:21 pm (UTC)
oh you're definitely welcome! it was a heartwenching look at what can possibly happen...

In my mind, I'm not 100% sure if Dean killed Sam (or had to allow him to be killed), but Dean definitely saw it, and tried to save Sam (to turn him away from Luicfer's influence), but couldn't (or Sam didn't want to be saved). *sniff* god! I would just die for the Show did this! I'm praying not ;)

paleogymnast
Sep. 19th, 2009 08:13 pm (UTC)
I'm really, really hoping they don't do that either!! *sniff*

Thanks again so much for reading!
a_phoenixdragon
Sep. 19th, 2009 10:47 am (UTC)
This...this broke my heart - and it reached into the hole that Kripke created at that last ending scene and just - SANG to it. THIS is what I fear...this is who he is becoming. He thought he had nothing before - but he's rushing towards nothing NOW.

*Shivers*

*Cries*

*hugs you tight*
paleogymnast
Sep. 19th, 2009 11:45 am (UTC)
*passes out tissues* *sniff* *hugs*

I'm so happy this spoke to you!! Your comment pretty much sums up exactly what I'm afraid of. Right now Sam and Dean are heading towards a very unhappy ending, and this fic is the future that seems all too possible. I don't want it to happen, but I'm scared that it will!

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!! :)

*snuggles your comment tightly*
ariadnes_string
Sep. 20th, 2009 11:50 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is really great! (though really sad) I think I had a much more positive take on the end of 5.02 than you did, but I can still see something like this as the eventual outcome. I liked the flashes of the "old" Dean that kept emerging, through the really plausible shell of what he had become. I also liked that you left the gender of the protagonist kind of ambiguous (or maybe only to me) so that you couldn't quite tell what her/his interest was in Dean.

Thanks!
paleogymnast
Sep. 21st, 2009 02:57 am (UTC)
Well, this definitely isn't what I *hope* happens, but I can see it going there, and I'd had this idea floating around for a while and it was really crystallized by 5.02.

Really glad you liked it! I listed the character as an OFC, but you can read it as OMC or even an intersex character, if you wish; I wasn't being all that specific. Read with slash colored glasses if you desire! :)

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!! :)
ariadnes_string
Sep. 21st, 2009 03:11 am (UTC)
Ha! I am a bad reader-didn't even look at the listing *facepalm* Love the idea of old!Dean teaching a girl (well, woman, I did see she was 33) to shoot cans off a fence.
paleogymnast
Sep. 21st, 2009 05:59 am (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed it!! :D

And Dean's not really that old in this... only about 51... that's not old, is it? :) Dean would be Dean and completely engrossing at any age.
ariadnes_string
Sep. 21st, 2009 05:56 pm (UTC)
only about 51... that's not old, is it?
Not from where I'm standing! *g* (I just meant in contrast to the not-so-young-anymore-after-all!Dean we have now. :)
paleogymnast
Sep. 22nd, 2009 12:01 am (UTC)
Ahh, gotcha! :D Dean is interesting because his character has always been a very old soul who yet is still also a child in some ways because of the childhood he never got to have. *sniff* Ok, now I'm making myself sad thinking about Dean. :D Thanks agan for your comments!!
julsus
Oct. 29th, 2009 07:45 am (UTC)
Hey Paley...just wanted to say I loved this...you always manage to make my heart ache xxx
paleogymnast
Oct. 29th, 2009 07:58 am (UTC)
Oh wow, thank you so much!! I'm very flattered!! Glad to hear you liked it and that it acheived it's achy, angsty purpose. :D

Thanks so much for your comment!! :D
( 42 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

Sad Dean
paleogymnast
paleogymnast

Latest Month

July 2017
S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031     
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow